Why Men Still Struggle to Talk About Underwear—and Why That Needs to Change

I talk about underwear every day, whether through friends I’ve made or random people on the internet and social media. You could say I have embraced my passion and want other guys to know they’re not alone or strange for liking underwear and the feelings it can evoke. To me, it was a hidden superpower while growing up. It made me feel special and different without exposing everything to the world.

I have a theory about why more guys don’t discuss underwear openly. It’s a very personal and special type of clothing. When we start this journey, many of us tend to hide it from those around us, treating it like a secret we’re not ready to share. I remember when my stash of bikinis was discovered—I was mortified and tried to avoid the topic at all costs. How do you explain to your mother at 14 that you are drawn to this and that it makes you feel special? You’d rather avoid that conversation altogether. This shame and fear affect us because we don’t want to be rejected for our underwear choices. It’s a deep part of our identity; rejecting it feels like rejecting who we are, even if the other person doesn’t realize the profound impact their actions can have.

Social media, however, has made it easier to find guys who share a love for underwear. Many post pictures and share their thoughts on different brands. You can comment on their posts or even DM them to discuss the styles they love. It’s possible to make lifelong friends simply because of an interest in underwear. I have, and I hope to connect with more along the way.

Some guys are timid and lack self-confidence. I know I did in my younger days. Reaching out to a total stranger can be daunting. But if you reach out to a genuine underwear enthusiast, most will be willing to have a conversation about their passion. Here are some tips to strike up a conversation:

1. Seek out guys with smaller followings to start talking with. Look for someone with fewer followers who posts often and responds to comments. They are more likely to engage with you. If someone has 10,000 followers, you might get lost in their inbox.

2. Start the conversation about the underwear. Avoid comments like “you look hot” or “significant bulge,” even if you notice one. Instead, compliment the cut or color of the underwear, or respond to something they posted in the comments. This shows you’re genuinely interested in their love for underwear, and they’ll appreciate the positive vibe.

3. Don’t send unsolicited pictures. It’s fine to want to share and discuss underwear, but ask for permission before sending any pictures, especially explicit ones. Not everyone wants to receive that kind of content in their inbox.

4. **Follow up promptly.** It’s okay to take a day to respond if you’re extremely busy, but try to reply within a few hours when possible. Everyone has a busy life, and you don’t need to respond immediately.

5. Talk about more than just underwear. I enjoy it when someone gets to know me beyond my interest in underwear. They ask about my favorite activities or areas of conversation. I’m looking for friends, so I want them to know both the underwear and non-underwear sides of who I am.

If you follow the blog or podcast, make a habit of reaching out to other guys and building a community. I’ve started this journey, and so far, it’s been amazing. Maintaining friendships requires effort, but it pays off in the long run. I’m genuinely astonished that such a small piece of fabric has brought me so much joy, happiness, confidence, and friendship. Please don’t be shy around fellow underwear enthusiasts; they will welcome and accept you. Let’s build something amazing together, guys!