Fellas, for the love of all that is good, ditch the board shorts! Please? They look ridiculous. I mean, it looks like you’re wearing a parachute around your waist. Picture this, you’re getting some sexy-time with your lady. The lights are turned down or off, maybe you have a few candles lit. Some nice sexy-time music playing in the background. You go to take your pants off and BAM! Your lady is blinded by your color deficient legs and ghostly white bum cheeks. All she can see is this beaming phosphorescence that is your board shorts tan and she’s no longer in the mood.

Come on man, be honest. You know you’ve looked in the mirror after a nice long summer and marveled at the contrast in color on your legs. I mean they are straight up two very different colors. You know it looks bad but that’s just how it is, right? Hey guy pulling up your board shorts as far as you can to get some color on your legs, I see you. I mean maybe you can get some shorter shorts so maybe your tan can extend to a few inches above your knee. Yawn.

I kid (kinda). I’m not about shaming and some guys look great in board shorts. Usually taller guys, but I digress. I was just trying to make a point, that in case I’m right, that you have noticed that board short tan. And not liked what you saw or not liked the load that board shorts are, then you have options.

Look, our European brethren know what’s up when it comes to swimwear. They wear briefs (Speedos in American lingo even though Speedos is a brand) mostly and some even dare to bare more. Granted, they still get a tanline but it is a marked improvement from the train wreck that is a board short tanline. The entire leg being nice and bronzed like the rest of you is far more aesthetically pleasing. Then those tanned legs getting chopped in half by those super dope surf brand parachutes you wore all summer.

Allow me to drop some knowledge unto you about some options that you have for this summer’s swim attire. You can choose between a variety of different cuts: trunks, briefs, bikinis and thongs. Trunks have the most coverage of these options. They’re basically short shorts. The next option and slightly more revealing are the briefs. These are not like your childhood tighty-whities. There are some really great designs out there and some super sexy cuts. Most of them have full cheek coverage and a three-plus inch waistband. One more level of freedom and we’re at the bikini cut. The waistbands tend to be pretty skinny, one inch or less and the back coverage may be slightly less as well. Sometimes referred to as a three-quarter back or european cut. For the least amount of coverage and the most amount of awesomeness we have the thong cut. I believe the back coverage needs no introduction but let me address the pouch and comfort level. Men’s swimwear, that aren’t parachutes, are fitted. They are made for men with man parts. Like varying amounts of coverage in the rear, pouches vary as well. Most are fitted so that the gents fit into a comfortable pouch and are fully supported and covered. Some pouches even provide a bit of lift or bulge. Now let me blow your mind, thongs are not uncomfortable! They do not feel like a perma-wedgie. The feeling of the backstrap simply goes away after a while. All that’s left are the feelings of freedom and confidence.

I realize it’s hard to buck societal norms. Especially if you’re young and you are still subject to peer pressure. Let me just speak from personal experience here: I wore a bikini brief cut suit to the beach the other day and noticed that I was the only guy on the beach not in shorts. It was an insane realization. To be honest I didn’t mind that much. My wife hates board shorts and the unfortunate tan that comes with them and frankly, I don’t like the shorts tan either. My desire to look sexy to my wife and to have a nice tan was greater than any fear of what people might think of me.

Speaking of what people might think… what might people think? That I’m from Europe? That I’m a weirdo? That I shouldn’t be wearing those bikini briefs because I don’t have a six-pack? That I’m gay?

Who. Cares. You know what they say about people and their opinions.

If people thought I was from Europe. Cool. Fine. Whatever. If they thought I was a weirdo… well, I am so they’re right. We’re all a little weird and if you’re zero percent weird… that’s just weird man. I shouldn’t be wearing bikini briefs because I don’t have a six-pack… First of all, most of us don’t have six-packs. So the majority of us should still be allowed to feel sexy and good in our bodies. Second of all I’d be more worried about a good gust of wind that those parachutes might catch. And frankly, I don’t give a damn if people think I’m gay because of the swimwear I choose to wear. First, being gay isn’t a bad thing so I don’t find that insulting. Secondly, how ridiculous that a swimsuit is giving you some indication of my sexual identity! Swimwear and sexual identity are about as related as oil and water in reality. Though a good argument can be made for that relationship as it pertains to our culture.

Let’s briefly chat about confidence and body positivity. Confidence is dead sexy as any woman will tell you. More personal reflection for you: I, like probably a lot of you, have body image issues. I have a spare tire around my waist that I liken to a monster truck tire. Some gyno in my chest and my body weight fluctuates like the stock market. But during those periods of time when I’ve really got my diet dialed in and I’ve been killing it in the gym. I make sure I enjoy the fruits of my labor by not hating what I see in the mirror. It’s not perfect but I’ve worked damn hard for what it is. Once I ease up on myself it’s much easier to go out and enjoy wearing some sexy swimwear and a great tan followed up by a wife ready for some action.

Side note: I don’t want to put out the impression that eating healthy and working out are primarily for aesthetic results. Those things promote a healthy lifestyle so you can feel good as well as look good.

Don’t wait until you’re 60 to decide you just don’t give a hootenanny about what people think. Because that seems to be about how long it takes for our give-a-shitters to be completely non-operational. Thus allowing us to do the things we’ve been wanting to do for all those years. Hey, props to the… more mature gentlemen out there rocking it and demonstrating a lesson in confidence. The more of us men that get out there wearing what would really rather be wearing the more normal it will be.

By JayinCA

We here at UNB have been pushing the Swim Brief Challenge every summer. The Challenge is to wear a swim brief in public. This will hopefully break the same US people have over swim briefs. Currently, it’s looked down upon on a guy wearing one on the beach. You still have to wear the dork shorts aka board shorts or swim shorts.

Each year we get more and more guys on the swim brief train. Well, wanting to wear them to the beach. More straight guys have been on this train that I would have ever thought. UNB is getting guys to think about their swim choices. I know it’s a long process to change social norms but we are working on it.

Guys Want to Wear Thongs

Over the last two years there have been more and more companies producing swim thongs. It started about 3 years ago with Vuthy making swim thongs in his collection. Other companies also made them such as Cocksox and, I believe, BodyAware. Flash forward to this year and JOR has quite a few of them in the collection. This got me thinking should we have a Swim Thong Challenge?

In our recent survey on thongs, 40% of respondents wanted to wear a swim thong. While around 35% of them have worn them currently. The surprising number was those who have already worn them in public, 17% of guys have! It appears that the swim thong market for men is on the rise!

This is a trend that is on the rise. It’s going to be a subcategory in swimwear, just as swim briefs have been for years. Will swim thongs go mainstream? I don’t think so but I have been pleasantly surprised before.

Challenges of Swim Thongs over Swim Briefs

Some guys find swim briefs scary enough to wear on the beach. Many have said they feel totally exposed and on display the first time they wear them. While you are covered (with most swim briefs), with a thong you are really on display. The only thing covered are your goods. Your assets are out for everyone to see.

Having your assets out can cause trouble. Our friends at Cockpit Undies know all about the laws about swim thongs. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean you won’t get harassed by local law enforcement if people complain. Which is just a hassle that most guys don’t want. It’s best to do research before venturing out in a thong. The best advice I was given by a thong lover is go to a nude beach and wear it. There you will have no issues about what you wear.

One other issue is finding a swim thong. Most companies don’t make them. Yes, the market is growing but I don’t think we will ever see a swim thong from 2(X)IST or more main stream brands. It will be from smaller to medium brands.

Lastly, if you get called “gay” when wearing a swim brief, wearing a thong will get even more “gay” slurs from people. This is the main thing we are trying to change in general in swimwear and underwear. The person who wears the item is gay not the garment. Sorry, I won’t get off on this tanget. This is an entire post in itself.

Where Can You Buy/Who Makes Thongs

This is not a comprehensive list but some of the ones we know that currently make them! If you know any more send us a message or comment below with who makes them.

• Cocksox – Has made them for as long as I can remember. They continue to update their line thongs with new colors and prints.
• JOR – JOR is a company that recently started making them. They have put their own spin on the swim thong and look pretty nice.
• Cockpit Undies – One of the biggest supports on the Swim Thong market. He believes every guy regardless of body size should wear them. He makes a few in each print so you can get an almost one of a kind suit.
• M-Wear – One of the newest brands making custom thongs. Matthew is just starting and growing. But he makes incredible gear.
• SkinzWear – Looking for something skimpy and some great prints? Skizwear has been around since 1986 and been making all kinds of swimwear.

We want to empower and encourage guys to wear what they want. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t wear soemthing. Speaking as a beefy guy, I plan on wearing a swim thong at some point this summer. When you wear a swim brief or thong let us know! We’ll be posting graphics to share on social media when you do the challenge.

Groundhog Phil says 6 more weeks of winter, but swim brief season is on my mind. We know swim briefs truly do not have a good reputation. This is especially so in the United States. Most representation of them are used to make people laugh. The photos that are passed around include one liner jokes. Movies use them to get a laugh, which I’ve noticed in a lot of kids movies lately. Videos posted online are of someone losing a bet, doing a dare, or think they are just being funny. These instances are definitely not helping the swim brief reputation.

Did swim briefs really just get a bad rep because of one hump? Women are praised for showing as much as they can including their humps. Is the male reproductive organ that shameful that it can’t be accentuated by lycra? Or is it that the guys are bashful in displaying their hump? I think it is a bit of both. Society seems to dictate that it is okay for women to show their whole body, but for guys to cover up the lower half. With that social hurdle, most guys aren’t going to push that envelope. Peer pressure wins out.

Unfortunately, I’m a victim to this. Soon I hope to rip open the envelope and just wear that swim brief like I want to do. Those of us that want to wear a swim brief need to lead by example. The more guys that wear them and do it respectfully. The better chance swim briefs will move from having a bad rep to having a good one. It really wasn’t that long ago when swim briefs weren’t a rarity at the beach. Let’s work on making a comeback for the swim brief. Break out the swim brief this year and let’s start the revolution.